Alan Clarke (technomouse) wrote,
Alan Clarke
technomouse

i think i want to do more

So yesterday my life did another flip thingy and in my head i realised that i want more or maybe less, its all a bit confused right now in my head.

I don't want casual "fun" i dont want to get wrecked every time i get stressed, i would like a mature relationship or i would like to make a real difference in this world.

I already work on behalf of charities as a fundraiser and that great and i love it BUT it has made me realise i want to see and make a difference in a much more hands on way, i want to go to the area's the Red Cross or other charities are working in i want to help those in need in a very direct way on the front line of the work in refugee camps etc

I am not sure how yet that will balance with my life or how i can achieve any of the above yet

And if i do enter into another relationship i dont want any more friends with benefits or no strings attached ...i am done with that kind of life.

I now have a lot to think about a lot of research to do i know i want Mia to be proud of her dad and i know i can be the kind of person she can be look up to and maybe this is what being a dad is about loving someone so much that your entire life  happens to change in a very organic and positive way??

I can now reflect how being adopted has affected my life both in positive and negative ways i have never had the connection i do to Mia and that link now compels me to take a step back and assess a lot of my life, maybe this is true for all fathers i am not sure for me i feel something i have never felt before.

So for any of you out there if you have any idea how i go about making any of this possible get in touch 


Tags: adoption, fatherhood, love, mia
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