September 12th, 2009

YAY a present for Darwin!!!!

confused again....

Its odd my thoughts and mind are all over the place right now, i feel very strongly for someone but know i am not ready/able to commit i would like things to continue in whatever way they wil so i just wait ?

At the same time i need and dont want to be alone i am not good around people, but i know i still do love her.

And i know that it is more than likely to much to late and while the other day was simply amazing iam not sure it will happen again or perhaps this is just me being paraniod??

Simply i dont know where i am with myself still

I have gotten the idea of holding somone in my arms and feeling that wonderous closness out of my head as i didnt see value in it and becasue .....i just didnt want to allow myself to be hurt again.

Bt i am not sure i care about any of that right now i do just want to hold her in my arms and tell her how i feel, and maybe i should have done that 12 years ago and maybe now its too late?

This is all stupid there is little to nothing i can do really except what i am doing so perhaps thats all this is....

Perhaps the walk home will clear my head?

Mediatation seems to be easier these days only it bringing uop more questions than it is helping sometimes.
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