April 27th, 2011

YAY a present for Darwin!!!!

Twitter rambles

  • 06:47 awake and trying to be happy and upbeat, meditation took my head to a weird place this morning , feeling very sad but time to gt ready #
  • 19:07 no longer feel ...part of the world...cant even really cry...just emptyness #
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YAY a present for Darwin!!!!

Cant wait

 I cant wait for pay day, need to buy food , decent coffee and get a gym membership sorted.

I need to get fit again, i know this will help my mood lots, i already have my diet mostly sorted LOTS of veg in my slow cooker often.

I can see a way forward....it odd before JC i did not really care about tomorrow it was an intangible nonsense to me.

I didnt really plan much ahead or really give it much thought.

Now i think about next year and where i will be and what i want and i am finding it hard to adjust that view.

So i  am going back to concentrating on here and now, getting myself fit and healthy....saving a little for holidays and my pension
Just taking small steps, avoiding my darker self that just wants to go get wrecked
Tux came over last night and cheered me up LOADS i miss seeing him often
I think things are starting to go well, i have a good job and i am thankful for that, i have a house that i am comfortable in and i am thankful for that, i am healthy if not fit.
Sure there are a lot of things i would like to change and would if i could but fuck it and fuck the kind of people that sit around thinking about what might of , could of happened.
I am here and i will be ok...better than ok i will be fantastic.
I also not pushing myself to hard ....i know i will have time when all i want to / can do is sit and cry and feel sad and its ok