May 10th, 2011

YAY a present for Darwin!!!!

so my brain still doesnt like me

 I had the most disturbing and strange night ever last night for the entire night i thought i was awake yet every so often "things" would happen, I would notice the tv was on or my housemate was suddenly standing in my room, or a track was playing on my stereo or......

All of the things were "dark" and disturbing and in some cases out right violent

A lot of it revolved around JC and some of it revolved around drugs .......

To be honest its really shaken me up and i have never had any experience like it nor do i ever want one again.

I actually feel like i am going kinda crazy a the moment....i hope i am awake but not so sure?

I need to make changes.........

I think either i have to move out or JC does and i dont like coming to that conclusion but i simply can not cope with her being here and not with me, its like being with someone without being with them like a ghost of something that should never had ended but so obviously has :-(.

I honestly thought i could ...but now i know we are over i think a line needs to be drawn

I also need to get completely straight and sort my head out....i will be going to Buddhism class tonight and maybe staying at a friends for a few nights.

I have taken lots of steps forward recently and i need to keep doing that.

Right now i want to curl up into a ball and cry .....instead i am making coffee , eggs on toast, having a shower and going to work

Then i am going to Buddhist class and ..........

Right before i dissolve into a crying mess i am getting on with my day