May 17th, 2011

YAY a present for Darwin!!!!

so i am lost again

 I dont get so many things in life right now, i am am still in love with someone who i cant have, i am living with her in my front room and i dont know how to cope with that to be honest.

I want  be her friends with her but .....i cant my emotions are too turbulent, ever time i try and have a conversation all the things we planned and wanted that are now lost forever are in my mind.

I am doing well in the rest of my life, but it doesnt seem to matter to me without her nothing seems to.

I should have done more i suppose i could have done more but .....

I accepted so many things and started wanting those things and that life and now its just gone?
How can there not be a way back from an argument, we both said things but there was a plan and a life mapped out.
Its hard to get over and i suppose i will always miss that life that i never had?
I have had a lot of time to think in the past few days and .......i just dont have the answers
So i keep getting on with the little things and keep trying to sort my new single life out i suppose
Soon a bath then re organise my clothes then Buddhist class and back to work tomorrow

Recently i have been drinking , and taking things that make me numb and not care but i simply can not continue that i have move on from this.

I am looking for my own place ..a new start and maybe that is a way forward in the mean time i suppose we will just  carry on till one of us sorts out a new place to live.