August 4th, 2011

YAY a present for Darwin!!!!

a mistake and a Slip

There are certain evens you do not yet know about................knowing it is finally over and JC will go on to her new life leaves me powerless and so hurt.

So after some discussions and some other things happening i ended up drinking most of a bottle of wine,

Yes i said no more drinking binges and will make excuse or that.....i simply could not cope last night .....and no it didnt help except blacking out lots of so i  could eventually sleep

People slip up and i am far from perfect and BUT it was not pointless as i didnt self harm , i didnt go "out" and take other things so took one step back no the 4 or 5 i used to

I have come to accept me and Jacey while having those amazing months are really compatible.
 I love was so intense and powerful that it has forced me to change to be a better person and something that strong never lasts it seemed to burn itself out, i still love her SO much and i am not sure how my life will be without her
I hope we remain in contact and i hope with time we can re capture some of the friendship we used to have
once the front room is free i am thinking of having an open house, and putting the things down in the room and inviting s few people to take what they like
 Then start packing and give notice here as soon as that is done and i have a job.
I am still playing with the idea of leaving Nottingham ...there are too many head ghosts around here
So today like most i will be at home playing Uplink, applying for job and doing some housework and trying to meditate i also may go another run

I ran 2 k yesterday and that helped to jst clear my head
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