September 6th, 2011

YAY a present for Darwin!!!!

so......feeling shitty...please ignore this self indulgent crap

Firstly had a fit on thursday.....here is a pic  

Damaged my orbital socket LOTS of blood bruised both hands, chipped a tooth and badly bruised both knees........still feel like i got hit by a train.

Secondly....... i know i should be happy..........i have an amazing freind who is having our baby and i am so so looking forward to the day i can hold Mia in my arms...........instead i know that all i really want is to hold JC in my arms and kiss her and go to sleep with her next to me............and i know i have only got myself to blame.

I know to keep this house i have got to work so many hours........and i getto come home to a wonderful freind but all the time i want to cry becasue .................

So instead i lock myself away in my room becasue i simply do not know how to speak, or what to say........

I LOVE HER................

She saved my life..and i dont mean in a metaphorical sense i mean in a very real way

She is so so so clever, witty her smile bewitches me ....i find that she is the most beautful and amazing person in my life.

And i wish i could say all this......but i am too scared to lose what i do have

So i have freindship...........and a baby....why cant i be happy with that?