My state of mind is improving with the help of lots of meditation and soon lots of time in the gym (as soon as payday happens)
Its still hard, i still wake up some nights and realise there is only me in the bed and then i normally cry for while
I am getting there and i am making steps forward all the time.
I intend to also get myself down to up and running in Nottingham and get myself some new running shoes and start running on the forest rec round as i prefer grass to tarmac.
And hopefully start climbing with the excellent Kez
I wonder if i will ever have that desire for a child again....i wonder if i will ever want that life again or if i should just look after myself for the time being and leave the universe to decide all that.
I still have those darker desires to drink,snort take myself into oblivion ....but i am resisting this time.
And dear reader the book version of this 10 years or so of nonsense is going well and i am writing a little most days.
Its helping me put everything into some kind of perspective.
So resting taking it easy on myself and moving forward slowly and carefully, being the good guy