Alan Clarke (technomouse) wrote,
Alan Clarke

so,,,i accept ?

 I am making good progress , having chilled out days and doing housework.

My state of mind is improving with the help of lots of meditation and soon lots of time in the gym (as soon as payday happens)

Its still hard, i still wake up some nights and realise there is only me in the bed and then i normally cry for while

I am getting there and i am making steps forward all the time.

I intend to also  get myself down to up and running in Nottingham and get myself some new running shoes and start running on the forest rec round as i prefer grass to tarmac.

And hopefully start climbing with the excellent Kez 

I wonder if i will ever have that desire for a child again....i wonder if i will ever want that life again or if i should just look after myself for the time being and leave the universe to decide all that.

I still have those darker desires to drink,snort take myself into oblivion ....but i am resisting this time.

And dear reader the book version of this 10 years or so of nonsense is going well and i am writing a little most days.
Its helping me put everything into some kind of perspective.
So resting taking it easy on myself and moving forward slowly and carefully,  being the good guy
Tags: book, depression., fitness, gym, running, writing

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