Alan Clarke (technomouse) wrote,
Alan Clarke


 I was meditating this morning and i realised a few things and they have made me sad, while going through my online pics i found a list we made of things we need to buy for a baby.

And no matter who i go out with / marry or whatever that was the first time THE actual first time i wanted that, the first time i sat on this sofa with my hand on her tummy hoping there was our tiny person in there.

And it doesnt matter where i go from here i love her so much i wanted a family with her.

There will never be a another first time i want that or to be honest i am not sure i will i want that again.

I know i can get over this and i know i will, but right now i cant seem to.

And i still want that with JC and i dont know yet how i am going to change that.

So i will carry on meditating , carry on improving me and just keep going 

Nothing else i can do.

Walking to work today to clear my head i think so i can be the bright shiny happy ACE call centre guy

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