Alan Clarke (technomouse) wrote,
Alan Clarke

  • Mood:
  • Music:

so i am lost again

 I dont get so many things in life right now, i am am still in love with someone who i cant have, i am living with her in my front room and i dont know how to cope with that to be honest.

I want  be her friends with her but .....i cant my emotions are too turbulent, ever time i try and have a conversation all the things we planned and wanted that are now lost forever are in my mind.

I am doing well in the rest of my life, but it doesnt seem to matter to me without her nothing seems to.

I should have done more i suppose i could have done more but .....

I accepted so many things and started wanting those things and that life and now its just gone?
How can there not be a way back from an argument, we both said things but there was a plan and a life mapped out.
Its hard to get over and i suppose i will always miss that life that i never had?
I have had a lot of time to think in the past few days and .......i just dont have the answers
So i keep getting on with the little things and keep trying to sort my new single life out i suppose
Soon a bath then re organise my clothes then Buddhist class and back to work tomorrow

Recently i have been drinking , and taking things that make me numb and not care but i simply can not continue that i have move on from this.

I am looking for my own place ..a new start and maybe that is a way forward in the mean time i suppose we will just  carry on till one of us sorts out a new place to live.

Tags: loss, love, tired, weak

  • Evening thought wanderings

    It's weird as I sit here and write in this journal I have had for most of my adult life I wonder, looking back I have been many people and now I am…

  • weird side effects

    So i am trying to talk more openly about my everyday health and well being, this isn't easy because i mostly live in some sort of odd denial that…


    After my recent scare i have discovered a new love for EVERYTHING LIfe is bright , colourful , manic, busy and all round AMAZING I am looking…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.