We broke up....i was forced to confront my flaws and people there were alot of them...i had been living for years fuelled by fear , hate and anger.
I then lost an awesome friend ...Sarah was so many things to me all of them good and her death broke something in me.
Then i had some awesome news news but in a very strange way.
I was forced to confront myself.......and its been a HARD FEW MONTHS, i am scared physically , emotionally and mentally.
And i have come through that................i still have a way to go, i am still on meds and i have a meeting with health in mind.
I had to pull myself back from ending it all and i was seconds away it took everything i had and i was left empty and changed
I am not longer Carter, i am no longer Alan.............i am now AJ
I can go to sleep at night with hope for the next day, i can wake up in the morning with a smile and know i am ok with myself.
I know there were some of you haters out there .....and here is a message. When i was Carter i was no where near my best, now i know i can be better, now i know much more of who i am
I get a job ,,,,i will do it and be as god as i can be, in a few months something wonderful will happen that has already changed me and sure will continue to.
I will work hard to get fitter....i am already running and soon with job comes the gym.
I will work hard to be the best role model i can.
I will be a better person
There will be more down days and there is more i still need to deal with but i am ready and i am stronger
So here is to new starts, better beginnings and a great life because we ALL deserve that and that means I DESERVE THAT
So i will work as hard as i can to get there and to be the best i can be, no more hiding behind a façade built of fear and hate just me