Alan Clarke (technomouse) wrote,
Alan Clarke

A hard post to write and even harder to implement Sorry

A hard post to write and even harder to implement

Sorry I have not written for a while, it’s been an emotional and mentally very hard time for me and I have been dealing as best I could which for me meant simply hiding from the world so saying or typing it out loud would have meant I was forced to deal with things that I simply had not time for and no ability to handle.

That all came to a head on Friday when I was ruled “unfit for work” by work! , this simple phrase forced me to face head on simply how ill I am, and this lead to a whole emotional overload which I can only call a breakdown of sorts.

My shoulder is looking like it will need replacing; this will involve what is potentially many quite serious operations.

This has forced me to face my mortality and fragility as a human in a way that I never had and I do not really yet have the tools for.

This has come at the worse time for me in many ways I assume there are no good times for this but this “revelation” is unwanted at this time.

I also tried to revert back to an earlier self this weekend and go out to see some old friends at a club night I was part of for so many years, but the loss of some very dear friends including one of the people I felt closest to in my life has left holes in what I considered for many years to be my family.

I love all of you Gadge, Claire, Carrie, Spoox, James, Tom, Mat Scarlett, Glyn, Emma and Charlie and many others who are and were the family i was blessed to be a part of for so many years.

And i remember the ones that are lost and moving on to their next lives

This is also a thank-you to those wonderful people who are and were part of of that life

I can't be a part of that life any more too many reminders of people lost and that is so sad that i cant continue.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.