Are we ever really present in our lives??
So i am slowly getting used to this new version of myself, for years now i have been running on prescribed painkillers, coffee,booze and adrenaline and very little sleep.
The effect of all of that was that i was really “present” in my life and for that i am truly sorry to all my loved ones and friends.
I honestly didn't notice i was only partly there most of the time, my recent brush with serious illness has woken me up for want of a better phrase.
Now i am clear of all of that life is a bit spiky and very real and i am dealing with a lot of emotions i have been mostly and oddly effectively suppressing for a long time.
This has been a very needed wake up call and while it's going to take me a while to wrap my head around i am most certainly happy to have this chance.
There are a lot of things i need to sort out and that is also going to take a while but i am being kind to myself and allowing that to happen
I am surprised by my own MASSIVE lack of insight into my own condition over the past few years but i suppose we all deceive ourselves.
I am also trying not to beat myself up much about all of this, i think the universe has done that last week.
Physically i am getting better, still very weak and tired and sleeping a lot but that is also expected, though i will only be taking it easy for so long.
This summer is going to busy, i will be taking Mimi to Scarfel pike camping near my birthday and i can't wait.
I have a lot of other things i want to do with my amazing daughter buzzing around my head and soon i will be getting of my lazy ass and arranging them