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Dec. 9th, 2016

So over the course of the years since 2001 when i started this blog, I have changed and been many aspects of myself, i paid just £70 for a lifetime account account on here and i intend to keep writing here. Sometimes i have written here most days, sometimes once or twice a month, through all of the time i have spent writing it has helped give me clarity, laughs and other emotions, but it has always served a reflection of who i am and how i was.

I hope one day my darling daughter you are reading these words you have been part of one of the largest changes in my life and wholeheartedly for the better.

I have been many versions of myself had different names and personas over the years and this blog has reflected all of these.

I suppose on some level i am proud of this place and on others embarrassed and amused by it.

I hope to write here for many more years and i hope that it will one day provide an insight to you my daughter as to who i have been and who i was/am

I wonder what next year will bring , i look back at this one and i am thankful for another year with you and seeing you become a five year old and holding your hand on the beach while camping these are things i will hold in my mind and heart for as long as i am breathing.

I love spending time with you , i love ALL of your questions and i love showing you new things, you make so many things new for me again and discovering how you see the world amazes me daily.

I look forward to all the times we are going to share together

So this is me and this place is mine,it is both and many more things besides.

so trying to keep up this blog ...

I spent yesterday afternoon with my daughter after i joined Jacey in the pick up from school, it was AMAZING to see Mimi riding her bike she is already so confident on it and LOVES riding fast.

Riding next to her and helping her understand when and where to brake and turn etc is really rewarding.

Today is a tough day, first days of autumn are pretty hard due to arthritis, rode a fair bit yesterday in cold damp weather ...so i expected this.

So chilling at home under a blanket  and pottering about the house.

But its ok and it is worth it i am not stopping riding until i actually can't anymore, i have a few more ideas for the bike when i get my finances back on track.

New tyres i am thinking some of these Specialised crossroads or some Clement X'PLOR MSO 40c and then later next year change the groupset over to Shimano 105 and then switch out the brakes to some Hope not sure which ones yet.

Then all the parts that we pull off mine that are working go onto the Boardman for Jacey ^_^

Life on the whole is ok, a lot of pain but i am ok with it, work is wonderfully dull and i really hope it stays that way and having Mimi in my life is simply AWESOME

odd and depression

So for some reason on my way home from seeing my lovely #TinyLady i got hit with a MASSIVE wave of depression???

This hasnt happened in years , coping ok i think, early night for me and hopefully sleep it off  

my adventures in ChromeOs land

so i owned my Acer Chrome book 13 for just over a week now and i must admit it wasn't an easy switch, it looks like a laptop, feels like a laptop but seems to basically be a very expensive and somewhat pretty browser, which took a bit of adjustment.

I had to put it down for a day and then look at it again, and now I LOVE IT

The keyboard is freakin lovely to type on, the screen is great (at the right viewing angle) , the battery life ( i have averaged  6 - 7 hours of pretty heavy use) is just out of this world

AND ITS FAST 9 seconds from off to full boot!!

Yeah i understand it seems limited but its not,its actually amazingly focused, its great for browsing, blogging, writing and petty good at morvies and films.

It is not a computer or a laptop in a transitional sense it pretty much requires the internet to be off use.

I now think of it not as a laptop but more a super powered work hungry tablet and from that point of view its AWESOME

AND soon it will get better Google have announced it will soon get access to the play store so it really will be a tablet with an amazing Nvidia/Arm K1 processor , amazing battery life AND a lovely keyboard and screen HOW COOL IS THAT FOR £130 Uk pounds??


so the start to many things

so havnt written on here for a while, this has been mostly down to my wonderfully busy and partly down to not having a lot to really say.

I feel a new phase of my life is starting  for the past year and half i have been unwell and then recovering and then being ill agaiin and so on.

I am however now starting to feel like myself again , i have an amazing family and freinds  and they have been lot of help.

I am still in pain but i have come ot term with the being kind to myself thing and knowing when to push myself and when not to, and i am now finding my new limits.

I have an amazing new bike which is simple one of the best bikes i have ever ridden and thanks to the bike to work scheme and i am riding again ad taking it easy (which i hate) but accept.

Meditation is helping me come to terms with new limitations and i have started writing again, and am currently forming a structure for "the book" and am starting to get a feel for how it is coming together.

so life is looking up, i have a few goals that i have thought about carefully and know they are achievable

1) get back into shape i have about 3 or 4 percent more body at than i would like

2) get my cardio back which is a lot out of wack right now

so i think this is the it for now more soon happy days to you all

*peace and love *

This mornings meditation

Quite a lot of discursive thoughts 💭 today, I quickly managed to let them go and achieved a lovely peaceful state of mind, I feel ready for the day now

It's helping

So my #meditation sessions are getting easier, there is a lot less disucursive noise now and its easier to make that switch in my mental landscape. It is heling with the #anxiety and most certianly with my overall leval of pain.

I have started using the excellent #Buddify app which helps me top up during the day and i love all the catagories and can be found here


Sleep is being very erratic at the moment and thats not helping so i have been using the #Buddify guided meditations and according to my sleep tracker i am starting to get better sleep

So all in a good start and i fully intend to practice lots more

Harder day

so today was a lot harder , i have been really tired and meditating was difficult but managed 7 mins so not bad but not great , long nights kip should help night night


so i have decided to keep a journal on my return to meditation, and this seems like the perfect place...

today i completed a true north 5 min breathing meditation and it has left me feeling calm and slightly energised and ready for the day.

i have to admit that i have taken 4 mobths off from meditation for various reasons but mostly because i got distracted by life (silly me)

I am also looking into attending a Zen meditation class that a freind runs

so i wish anyone readung this a good, happy,safe  and productive day


Sorry i have been hiding

Hi everyone I have not been posting or very contactable of late, lots of hospital visits some planned others not so ( dislocated my left shoulder Thursday night)

And been working on getting the my new PC rig working so been a hermit while I get myself well

I have been spending a lot of time with my daughter and that always helps me feel happy and connected

I have an biopsy op on monday so the NHS can figure out what they want to do to fix my shoulder

Life is ok not great as still lots of pain from both my shoulders now but I am coping

I do intend to return to life soon so if i havnt replied to your texts or emails I am sorry i just need to reduce the amount of human contact i have when i am Ill


YAY a present for Darwin!!!!
Alan Clarke

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